Afternoon, my sweet readers! After three days of reviews from the Spring 2013 runways, it’s time for a fun break! Remember how a few posts ago I talked to you about the Seven Deadly Sins: Blogger edition series? If not, click HERE to read all about it. Today I have for you the first sin. As I told you before, I am constantly browsing the internet, searching for new blogs, new styles, new faces. When it comes to my research, I’m all about first impressions: I like what I see, I keep coming back. You know how we all have our turn-offs (my little brother won’t call a girl again if she wears a poncho to a date, I stopped answering the phone to a guy because he wore velcro sandals, my momma once stood up a guy who showed up to pick her up wearing tight overalls and a belt)? Well I kind of have a lot of turn offs when it comes to personal style bloggers. Today, we are gonna talk about one of them.
Has it ever happened to you that you open the post because you like what you see. She is wearing a gorgeous blazer, she paired it up with a beautiful silk shirt, she is sporting Zara’s new brocade trousers and just as you are about to comment on her flawless look, you stomach cringes at the sight of her choice of bag: SHE IS WEARING A JUICY COUTURE, PINK, DIRTY, WORN-OUT TERRY TOTE! That’s it for me, I am never to return to that blog and that flawless outfit I saw before, now looks dirty and worn-out like her purse.
It’s not a matter of owning pricey bags, not all of us are Tina from Bag Snob. The brand doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter if it’s new or old, it doesn’t matter if you got it at a Flea Market or in a posh, 5th Avenue boutique. It’s a matter of taste, it’s a matter of recognizing that even if it cost a bit, it might not be wearable anymore. Believe it or not, this sin has its branches and we have five of them (keep reading at your own risk):
PUBERTY RELICS: You know that first designer bag you owned, the one that your momma gifted you on your 15th b-day? The mini Burberry? The mini LV with the classic monogram? The pink terry Juicy Couture tote? The Coach mini hobo? In case you are curious, I was gifted the mini Burberry and I hold on to it as a great memory. Do I use it? No, I don’t, not anymore. It’s too small for me, I’m too old for it, it’s a bag for a 14 year old, for God’s sake! Sure, it cost more than 4 of my Zara totes but that doesn’t mean I look less ridiculous wearing it. It’s so cool to write on a post “I’m wearing the mini Chanel 2.55 I found on the vintage shop” or “I’m wearing my mom’s old Judith Leiber”. It’s so not cool to write the following: “I’m wearing my Juicy Couture tote, it’s kind of vintage but it works with my outfit”. No it doesn’t! It’s dirty, it looks dated (in a bad way), it’s not vintage (20 years ago Juicy Couture was not even around) and guess what? It just ruined your entire look. That Hermes Kelly that your momma purchased 30 years ago is Vintage, your mini monogrammed Coach hobo (purchased 7 years ago) is nothing but old trash.
FROM THE LAND OF TACKY: I know you’ve seen them, I know your eyes burned at the sight of them (mine did too): Introducing the cheesy as hell, corset top purse. They come in different colors and textures: lace, velour, even vinyl (let’s gasp together). You can even score a number with feathered cleavage (more gasping). And like those, you can find the Taco bag, the pink leopard furry tote, the “I look good on Snooki and J Woww” purse and so on. Remember this quote from that purse party scene on SATC? “Someone should tell crazy that owning a hot glue gun does not make you a hot purse designer.” Amen sister, amen!
IT’S NOT GUCCI, IT’S GUCCIO: Not everyone can afford a $2000 bag, so we have three choices: save up until you can afford it, purchase that suede bag from Zara that’s really pretty and not a month’s worth of salary, or venture into fake territory (otherwise known as Chinatown) to get a plastic-covered knock-off, spending the same amount as the Zara bag, but getting the $2000 “twin”. If you chose the third option and think you are smart because you got that bag for less, you are wrong, dead wrong! Fake bags can be spotted from an airplane (even the smallest detail gives them away), fake bags are illegal (good luck passing through a Charles de Gaulle security checkpoint with your Speedy knock-off), and last but not least, fake bags fall apart (details are rarely stitched, they are glued). So here’s my advice:
- To the fake Birkin costumer: A Birkin bag is made from crocodile (crocodiles are raised by Hermes, in Australia, for the sole purpose of becoming bags and leather goods). A Birkin bag is made by a single, trained craftsman (training lasts years). Having the money will not give you access to a bag, waiting lists are eternal (2 years tops). Your fake has no crocodile leather, it has no craftsman stitching and probably has a totally different shade of orange.
- To the fake McQueen box clutch costumer: since the bag is pure work of art, everything from the clasp to the inside fabric will scream knock-off.
- To the fake LV bag costumer: it’s the lock and the handles that usually give it away.
- To the fake Chanel 2.55 costumer: It’s the chain, it’s the quilting and of course, the logo.
Getting away with fake is like getting away with murder, not really possible.
YOU ARE SO FAKE, YOU DON’T EVEN EXIST: Let me tell you a story… A few years ago, the daughter of a Mexican President arrived to a lavish event sporting her brand new Louis Vuitton Murakami bag. Why did she have to offer her apologies later to the French brand? Not only was her bag a fake, she was sporting a sort of “knock-off” of a style never seen or designed by Louis Vuitton. If you are going to sin and buy a fake, at least make sure that brand actually carries that model.
GUESS BAGS: Need I say more?
I always like to end this bloodbaths of mine with something constructive. Fashion is not about pricey garments, it’s not about being able to afford an $8000 total look. You’ve got more style if you wear a Fruit of the Loom t-shirt with that Birkin bag. You get more credit for finding that vintage Prada, hidden under a pile of clothes in a small shop than for entering the Vittorio Emanuele boutique and purchasing the latest style. Saving up to buy that dreamy Mulberry is an investment, buying the Chinatown knock-off is definitely a loss.
Wear what you want because you like it. Never wear something because of what it cost. Never wear something because of a logo. Never wear something because everyone else is wearing it too. Style is about creativity, not about a budget.
That’s it for today, the massacre is over! Tomorrow we will resume our runway reviews from NYFW! Coming up next, London town baby!
Illustrations and cover photo: Ana Sofia Alanis
Bag photos: Google.com
This are personal opinions with a touch of sarcasm. Don’t like, don’t read…
All texts, illustrations and collages are made by me, it’s forbidden to re-post without previous request (firstname.lastname@example.org) and images must link back to this site