The good, the bad and the uh… shrimp

Oh Giorgio Giorgio, what have you done Giorgio? That’s the question I asked myself after learning that Cristiano Ronaldo was being replaced as model for Mr. Armani’s Underwear Collection by Rafael Nadal.

We all know the pioneer was David Beckham and his fashionable wife Victoria. I am no fan of the englishman. To be honest, I find him too blonde, too pretty, and he has a high-pitched voice. But I have to admit that when the ads came out I was blown away. Not only was the body pure perfection, that look and the shots were so powerful. And that rope! Him grabbing that rope was what did it for me. I wanted to be the rope.

But as time went by, so did David’s contract. And then came Crissy. For me it was a very predictable move but one that seemed right. No one could replace David with such grace but young Ronaldo. Cristiano had it in his pocket to outdo the becks. Brunette over blonde is always a win. Younger body, bigger muscles, and oh those thighs (Beckam’s a little scarse on the leg department but Ronaldo, Ronaldo is the holy Jabugo of hamstrings). It was a formula that just couldn’t go wrong.

The ads came out. Megan Fox killed it. I have no interest in women whatsoever and found myself drawn to her. The poses, the sultry sexy and rather naughty look on her face. Flawless. Kudos to you Giorgio.

And then well there was Cristiano in a silly denim vest, there was weak CristIano posing as a female swimsuit calendar model (water splash effect included), there was Cristiano channeling Lou Ferrigno, and so on. To me the campaign was a disaster. Disappointing. But my thoughts were, “well there’s always next year, Crissy can blow me away next year (he certainly has what it takes to do so)”.

To Cristiano’s misfortune and ours, he didn’t get a second chance. Instead Giorgio decided it would be, wait for it…. Rafa Nadal.

Rafa, the tennis player is talented, one of the best the world has ever seen. But Rafa the model is as hilarious as Messi the model (yeah it happened, and D&G is to blame). Nadal is like the shrimp, the body is delicious but you just wouldn’t eat the head. I saw the ad today, it was so big I started from the bottom, made my way up to the thighs, the abs, the pecs, I was getting all hot and bothered and then I saw his face. I wasn’t hot anymore but yes bothered and not in a good way. It was like seeing Britney’s new video, head and body just didn’t match (btw, the only one Britney is fooling by denying the body double is herself).

So, to Mr. Armani, a word of advice: You are italian, so in a country of studs and calcio you should have a wide salami selection to choose from. (Oh, I made a campaign of my own. Next year go with Borriello, if that man can pull of a village people cowboy look, he’lll nail the briefs no questions asked and no sock needed inside).

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